Can Someone Please Direct Me to the Nearest Rock???

You don't need to have children of your own to know that they can say some pretty embarrassing things.  Heck even Bill Cosby knows that 'Kids Say the Darnedest Things'.  But no matter how prepared you think you are for the stuff that comes out of their mouths, there will always be a time when you get thrown a curve ball and are completely caught off guard for the whole new level they can take things to.  The moment when they raise the bar on saying something embarrassing, will almost always: 1) happen in a public location and 2) there will be witnesses.

So let me share the story of the whole new level my son took this game to last week.  [Please note that my face may still be a shade or two redder than usual because of this encounter.]  One day after work I picked my son up from daycare and brought him with me to our local grocery store.  After we complete our shopping we stand in line at the check out.  There are a few people in line in front of us and then a person comes on up and stands behind us.

Out of the blue my son looks at me and says "Look Mommy, I see a troll!" And proceeds to point at the woman directly in front of us.  Time suddenly seems to stand still and the world starts spinning around us. My mind cannot process what is actually happening in front of me.  Apparently my son takes my lack of speech as a sign to repeat what he just said in a louder voice and with a more pronounced pointing motion says "Look, I see a troll!!!"

My heart starts racing in my chest.  I can feel the laser beams from the troll's eyes burning a hole directly into my skull.  If ever was the time when the theory of spontaneous combustion needed to be proven, now was it.  Oh please let us poof away in a magical cloud of white smoke right now.  But alas the white smoke never comes and I must now react to the whole situation.

I immediately bend over and tell my son "Sweetheart, that is not very nice. There is no such thing. Please no more talking until we get into the car."  Mortified, I turn to the woman and say "Please forgive my son, he is only two and doesn't know any better."  She grunts at me, and turns her back to us.

We stand there in complete silence. I swear I can hear the people behind us in line snickering to themselves. I pray that my son stays quiet until the woman in front of us pays for her stuff and leaves. Is the cashier going slower just to see if the two year old follows up with another witty gem?  And sure enough he bites.  "What is not nice about saying she is a troll? She looks just like the troll in my movie."  At that point I grab my son, turn two shades of fuchsia, say 'sorry' and dash out of line in search of shelter in the soda aisle to regroup until the troll leaves the store (and possibly the state).

Looking back on the whole episode a few days later, I can finally laugh.  And in my son's defense, the woman was not really playing her "A game" in the appearance department.  So this experience reminded me that it is never a good idea to wear food stained clothing in public, brushing my hair before leaving the house is always a good idea, it only takes you two extra minutes to throw on some eyeliner, blush and lip gloss and there is never a rock close enough for you to crawl under when you really need it. 

P.S.:  The people at Disney are evil for putting trolls in kids movies because this entire episode could have been avoided if the ugly trolls were replaced with fluffy, cute kittens!!

[Caffeine consumed during the making of this blog:  None =( ]